Friday, March 13, 2009

I Have Arrived

I don't know where the idea came from, but it's one that permeates our society. That is the idea of "having arrived." The idea that, at some point in one's life, they will get to a place where all is well. The planets have aligned, the cosmic dust has settled, all the forces have converged, and you have achieved absolute bliss and fulfillment -- i.e., you have arrived.

Perhaps it comes from Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. For those of you not familiar, it's the idea that once all our baser needs are met (food, shelter, a sense of community and belonging) that were are then somehow self-actualized to pursue our higher purpose.

Or perhaps it's the eastern notion of death and rebirth -- climbing up cosmic rungs until you have reached enlightenment.

There's even the contemporary bestseller The Purpose Driven Life that maintains, once you've gotten your priorities in line and are at one with God's will you will find fulfillment.

On the mundane side of things we are bombarded by the media with the message that, until and unless we have all our ducks in a row (nice house, nice car, happy smart children, good job, hot-looking spouse, thin waist, healthy sex drive, etc. etc. etc.) we have not arrived. And, in the meantime, the media does everything it can (or so it seems to me) to make you feel inadequate (i.e., you have not arrived -- not by a long shot).

The truth is none of us have arrived. And none of us ever will. Not in this life.

It's taken me almost five decades to learn this. And I still haven't really internalized it.

As a kid, I remember thinking "when I grow up and can drive, I will have arrived." As a teenager, "when I have sex, I will have arrived." As a college student, "when I graduate, I will have arrived." And the list goes on, when I get married, when I get a house. when I make so much money, promotions, raises, get rid of my boss, relocation, travel, notoriety, fame............the list goes on and on and can take many different directions.

And then once middle age sets in, you become more and more aware that you haven't arrived, and you probably never will "arrive."

And the truth is, you won't; no one ever does. I've seen older people who have all their ducks in a row, house paid off, funds for retirement, the conclusion of a relatively successful career, lotsa a beautiful beaming grandchildren. And yet, they're still unsatisfied. They have not yet arrived.

In fact, the people who come closest to having arrived are the ones who are able to be at peace with their incompleteness. I don't own a house, I don't have kids, or if I do, they're not the smartest, best-behaved kids in the world. I owe money -- losta money. I have physical problems. My car broke down and I can't get it fixed. I lost my job. I don't get along with my spouse. I'm divorced. I've never traveled anywhere interesting. I don't speak a foreign language. I have no particular talents that make me stand out. I'm not pretty or handsome.

And in their incompleteness, they resign themselves to God (or to the winds of the cosmos, if they don't believe in God). And in that resignation, they probably come as close to arriving as is possible in this life. And probably see more of God's favor than all those with their ducks in a row.

It reminds me of God's call to the lost in the gospel of St. Luke: "Go out into the highways and along the hedges, and compel them to come in, so that my house may be filled."

GO TO THE POOR SLOBS WHO CAN'T AFFORD A HOUSE, WHO HAVE NO RETIREMENT, WHOSE KIDS ARE FLUNKING OUT OF SCHOOL. GO TO THE COUPLES WHOSE MARRIAGES ARE ON THE ROCKS. GO TO THE UNEMPLOYED. GO TO THE UNINTELLIGENT. GO TO THOSE WHO HAVEN'T ARRIVED, THOSE WHO ARE OUT THERE GROPING IN THE DARKNESS ...AND COMPEL THEM TO COME IN.

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